he's buying me a locket (:

I’ll start taking the advices that my best friend gives me. He’s the sweetest. I know that he keeps saying that compared to his friends, he’s not nice…but to me, I think he is. Well, except the fact that he’s always teasing me. However, I know he’s only joking. But I still love him anyways.

Season 2. Episode 4. We have a sub for studio because my instructor is in Pheonix this week. So the sub told me and few other people to be free. Okay, we’re going to be free. Luckily tonight, I thought about my project (and in my nap time too)…then I headed to studio to work on my physical model. And hey! I got something…even though it kinda looks like studio neighbor’s project. Ha. But that’s okay.

I’m doing a sports coupe…so the car is fast, speedy like racecar. Therefore, I realize fear is in our hands. I want people to overcome fear so I’m adding glass floors. Not bad right? Haha. I’m doing a historical timeline too…(oh, and best friend aka studio neighbor is doing that too but the other way around). We all have reasons. I’ll explain when I’m coming closer to my final presentation.

I’m not afraid anymore.

I miss him next to me. I miss having deep conversations with him. To get to the point, I just miss him.

I felt so happy that I finally got to talk to him again. He’s amazing and I’m really happy to keep in touch with him. Sure he already had two girlfriends for the past two years in college, but he broke up with them. Weird. I always wonder what would have happened if I got accepted and went to the same school as he did. I wouldn’t be who I am today. I’ll be living a different life.

But at the same time, I’m happy to meet the people here at USC. My studio neighbor is an amazing person and even though he and his friend are really weird at times, they make me smile and laugh. Although they’re always teasing me, I feel happy when they’re around. They and some girls are older than I am so I feel so young…like a baby. But they take care of me so I feel special. Most importantly, I smile and I can live in reality.

More about architecture and studio later.

late night phone conversations♥(:

Really, they are.

After studying for my Architecture history midterm, my friends went to visit some other friends on my floor and I met people in the first suite (wow, surprisingly). But they’re really cool. And then suddenly, BOOM! I’m awake. My roommate was showering so I decided to go talk on the phone. Oh how I love talking on the phone with my ‘best friend’. (:

Eee, we talk about random topics. I want to play TRUTH again. I should play it with him. He even asked how to play it so since he now knows how to play it, I’ll ask him if he wants to. I want to see how interesting this game goes again.

Oh how much I love presents. Christmas! Hope he gets me a stuff animal♥ PUPPY. I don’t want to name it though. I’ll think of something IF he gets me one.

And ha, I love how my studio instructor overheard me saying “OH SHUSH” when my studio neighbor said something to me. And my studio instructor was like “Oh shush Kai.” Ha. Booo, but Kai told him that I’m weird. ): At least I took our instructor that Kai’s mean. We’re even now. 2 to 2.

...and they left as the perfect fairy tale.

Out of all the opportunities God gave me, I finally took one. Yes, I finally talked to ML and introduced myself. So hopefully, the next time I see him, he remembers me. Funny thing is that when we said bye, he was like “yeah, it’s good seeing you again too.” Wait, what. “AGAIN”? I never said again. I just said “it’s good to finally meet you.” At least he remembers me, I think. I won’t think too much, but hey, I finally took the chance to talk to him. Hopefully, when I see him again, he remembers who I am. I think he does remember me from last year.

Each Italy Spring study abroad, I know one person. This spring, my suitemate is going. And then, I hope my 3rd year friends get into Italy! And hopefully, I get into it too! I’m really excited. I cannot wait. I’m really inspired to work diligently and just have fun with my projects. I’m motivated. And ML started my motivation.

I’m finally back into reality. And plus, my story phrase is coming true. “They came as strangers but left as friends.” It’s true. We saw each other as strangers, but when the time is done, we departed our ways as friends. I’m happy to live in reality. And who knows, maybe the next time I see him again, I’ll ask if he can give me advice via email. Hey, I’m going for it. As my big bro tells me.

I don't like goodnights & goodbyes ):

And when everything seems to fade away, the pain still haunts me. It’s like history is repeating itself. I try to forget what happened two years ago, but it seems to never go away.

I started having nightmares again. In my dream, he asked if if I was still hurt. He asked if it ever goes away. I tell him the truth, that it goes away for few seconds but ends up coming back. Then he disappears for some time until he comes back and haunts me.

Melanie told me to forget everything and just let everything happen the way it’s suppose to be. I can’t think too much because it’ll confuse me even more. And something about my best friend makes me realize that I don’t need my stories to live a fairy tale life. He brings me back down to reality and makes me smiles whenever I see or talk to him. It’s as if one of my wishes to have a really close best friend has been granted. And now, I’m grateful for it coming true. It makes life worth-living. I”m learning to take risks and not be afraid anymore.

And if I continue to be afraid to get hurt, the pain will never go away. Truth.

only in my dreams.

I’m back. Finally.

I arrived last night at around 9PM. But somehow, I feel as if I’ve left my heart in the city. How come I miss SF so much even though my mind tells me that I’ll always be a SoCal girl? Oh how I love learning about urban planning and urban context. Anything to do with the urban life opens my eyes.

I guess it’s because I grew up in a suburb…an only child so my parents shelter me. But when I’m in the city, I can be independent and free. If my parents weren’t on a business trip at the same time I was on my field trip, I would’ve been even more different. The only bad thing about this change in my me is that I’m daydreaming even more. But luckily, I’m not a little girl anymore. I’ve matured and just going to be social…in a more matured way. I’m going to be quiet when I should be. I’ll just go with the flow.

I got to know people better during this field trip. I promised David that I was going to be more social throughout college. Sophomore year is suppose to be the bridge between Freshman and Junior year. So I’m going to do things that I was “about to do” in Freshman year. Not regret anything.

Late night conversations♥

one way↑

A change in direction.

I keep thinking that someone will end up showing me the way to the light. And finally, that person has. He guides me and even though he thinks he isn’t I believe he is. He teaches this little girl how to stand up straight and be who she truly is. I’m different now and my thinking isn’t immature…life isn’t about fairy tales.

But at the same time, if I keep thinking ML is prince charming, I have to go for it. Belle is my inspiration and she liked the Beast for who he was. I guess I have to like my best friend for who he is. Not everyone can be as charming as the “prince”. But in the end, the Beast becomes the prince again. So everything eventually comes to a happy ending.

Leaving for San Francisco tonight! I’m really excited because I get to see my CAL friends on Saturday and Sunday. And hey, a studio bonding when we’re at the destinations! Yay, I get to take pictures with my friends and more of ‘best friend’ because he doesnt’ like me taking pictures of him. Haha.

BOOOO, I love you♥. (:

ML.

Thanks, big bro for telling me things. And a 3.92 GPA? I really need ML to help me. He’s my inspiration even though I don’t even know him. Gah, now ML truly is the perfect prince charming. Oh goodness. Makes my story even more…unreal for it to come true. Thanks.

Oh and one more thing, writing outlines for my Asian film midterm is currently…not going so well. I’m sleepy but I must get an A. ):

Nimes, France.

Many of friends learned French during high school. A few are continuing with French in college. Even though I have always been interested in studying Italian, learning French doesn’t bother me. I actually want to learn French. As a prospective student and a freshman in Architecture, I wanted to go to Italy for study abroad. And then, I started looking more into the France study abroad and realize that traveling to France is a good first choice. However, there are rumors that the France one might turn into Spain. Therefore, there’s more competition. My 4th year suitemate said that I’m going to be surprised how many people decide to choose Asia as their first choice because for the Asia study abroad, people are able to travel to many countries…I think more than the other two. However, I have many opportunities to visit Asia again (after all, I am Asia who is connected to both sides of my culture). Nevertheless, I don’t have much opportunities to study in France or Italy. Italy one is very competitive but I have a 4th year suitemate who will be heading to Italy next semester. She said she’s going to give me pointers on what to do and what not to…in order for me to make the list.

I always wonder how come they don’t have a UK study abroad. Another point on my list is…I think I want to travel for the traveling scholarship. Maybe I can study palaces? That intrigues me. Palaces, courtyards, and gardens. I’ll email Architectural Guild to ask questions. Winter break.

Back to Nimes, France. My next precedent is Norman Foster’s Carre D’ Art in Nimes, France. Yes, France. I’m really excited because Norman Foster designed the HSBC UK headquarters in London and the HK airport. Awesome. Hong Kong connections. UK connections. I plan to intern at the firm in London. I think it’s possible. After all, I’m studying one of his buildings. Maybe the diagrams will turn out just like my Gwathmey Residence’s diagrams (which I should mail to the firm as an R.IP. message and remembrance to Gwathmey). Oh, and this is a group project. My group mates are awesome!

point learned;;

He tells me to just be myself. He tells me to stand up and be independent.

I start to wonder why I write my stories. Maybe it’s because I strive to live in a fairy tale, but my love life doesn’t come close to living one. Maybe it’s because I’m so afraid to put myself into love. I’ve already mentioned that I’m afraid to get hurt. But I just wish….for once, that I’m not afraid to fall in love. I wish I’m not afraid to be social. In a way, I’m so much like Bella from Twilight. That she’s just like her dad. They both enjoy being alone. I enjoy being alone. And then there are few friends who are close to me. But there is no Edward for me…unless I just haven’t found him yet.

I want to jump off the cliff and not be so afraid of what will happen next. Time is too short and it forgets everything. So why not make it last?

Now, back to my stories. There are some things that are impossible to make them happen. They’re just figments of my imagination. And deep down, I just want to tell people the truth. I want to tell him the truth. I want to play Truth with him. This way…I don’t have to be afraid. Just like how I wasn’t afraid with David.